Getting engaged is a great feeling. It is a moment in life when you are getting ready to take a very important commitment. Marriage is a lifetime commitment and although there is an option to divorce, nobody wants that to happen.
But what will you do if you got engaged and you found out that your fiance has a huge amount of credit card debt? Whether it was revealed to you or you found out by mistake, what do you think you will do?
A survey from the National Foundation for Credit Counseling published a question last January 2014 that asks, if the person you love has a large amount of debt, what will you do?
Out of 2,148 respondents on NFCC.org, 46% said that they will still proceed with the marriage and will even help pay it off together. 37% of those who responded said that they will postpone the marriage until the debt was paid off. 10% said that they will still get married but they will not help pay off the debt. 7% said that they will end the relationship.
You have to understand that your personal finances is one of the most important issues that you have to discuss with your fiance. At least, this is true if you want to keep your finances from destroying your marriage. Do not keep any secret especially when it involves credit card debt because this is one of the most destructive debts that you will encounter.
Study shows that debt creates discord in marriages
There are several studies that reveal how financial problems can be a strong influence in your relationship. In fact, statistic shows that one of the biggest reasons to divorce is financial difficulties. One thing is for certain, you do not want to enter into your marriage with debt.
Based on a study done by the American Institute of CPAs and published on AICPA.org, financial issues are known to be one of the most common reasons that drive couples apart. In fact, the average argument about money happens three per month. 27% of the respondents said that money is usually one of the conversations that will escalate into an argument. It is ahead of arguments about children, work, friend and share of chores. These disagreements are usually on “wants” vs “needs” – which is 58% of the issues. 49% argue about unexpected expenses while 32% fight about their insufficient savings.
According to this study, the conflict gets worse because the couple does not communicate often. The only time they communicate is when things are about to blow up in their faces.
In an article published on HuffingtonPost.com, they discussed a study that revealed how money arguments are one of the top predictors that a marriage is on the way to divorce. This study was conducted by a researcher from Kansas State University. They said that couples who argue about money early in their marriage are most likely to end up in divorce. The study revealed that it leads to a damaged relationship satisfaction.
The study also revealed that financial arguments are usually masking a deeper problem in the relationship. It can be control, trust, etc. The problem is usually beyond that of the money – but in the attitude of the couple.
So if your fiance is holding a huge amount of credit card debt, you may want to consider how you will deal with this financial situation before you tie the knot.
What does a consistent credit card balance say about a person?
Before you can find yourself looking for financial help for credit card debt, you have to understand how the financial problem of your spouse or fiance started. For engaged couples, this is all the more important because you have a big expense ahead of you – your wedding. It is one of the expensive one time expense that you have to make and it averages at $28,000. If your fiance has debt, it seems impractical to spend so much on a wedding and be in debt right after.
Not only that, you have to consider the underlying qualities that your fiance may have. Credit card debt says a lot about the characteristics of your soon to be spouse. Here are some of our assumptions about people with a high credit card balance.
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They are materialistic. They measure their success by the possessions that they have. They are the epitome of the consumerist person because they want to own everything – even when their cash cannot afford it. Their credit card balance is evidence of that excessive spending.
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They lack self control. Credit card debt is also evidence that your fiance or special someone lacks self control. In the end, you need to get your finances under control so you can keep your debt from overcoming your life.
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They are impatient. Credit cards teach us to spend on things that we cannot afford at the moment. It teaches us to be impatient. Instead of saving up for the purchase, we borrow money from the creditor just so we can have it immediately. It is okay to use your credit card for purchases as long as you can pay it off in full when the billing comes in. A high credit card debt means you used your card for purchases that you cannot afford to pay in cash. Otherwise, you would have been able to pay the card statement immediately and thus avoid the finance charges. You purchased more than what you can afford because you did not want to wait.
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They give more importance in their outward appearance. It is all about how they appear on the outside. That is one of the mentalities of overspenders who typically use their credit cards to pay for their purchases. They want to keep up with the Joneses so much that it does not matter if they rack up huge amounts of credit card debt. As long as they look good doing it.
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They do not like to plan. Those who live by budget plans and spending plans are never in danger of credit card debt. The fact that they let their debt grow high is an indication that they do not have any plan at all. This also shows that they are not organized and they are not concerned about the details of their lives.
Last and probably the most painful of all…
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They are liars. At least, this is true if they kept it from you and the debt was only discovered by accident. If they did not tell you about it immediately, you have to think about what that means. You cannot keep these type of secrets when you are already married. Financial infidelity is a real and dangerous problem in a married couple’s life. According to an infographic from CreditDonkey.com revealed that 31% of couples who have joined their accounts lie about their spending at one point in the marriage. The same study revealed that 68% of Americans admit that financial deception have affected a past or present relationship.
Because of all of these, you have to understand that marrying someone with credit card debt has to be approached carefully. We are not saying that you end your relationship. But you have to talk about what you will do with the debt before you fully commit. Once you are married, that debt will also be your responsibility – like it or not.
If you really love the person, accept the debt but…
Here’s when love really plays a strong role in a relationship. The majority of the respondents in the NFCC survey said that they will still marry the person in debt and they will help them pay for it as a couple. If this is something that you think you want to do, then you need to do a couple of things first.
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Discuss what caused the credit card debt. Give them the benefit of the doubt first. The debt may be caused by an emergency situation. But id not, then you know that you have to work on breaking bad spending habits that got your fiance in debt.
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Accept the problem. This goes both ways. Your fiance has to accept and admit that they is a problem. That is the only way that they can really work on changing their ways. On the other hand, you also have to fully accept the sacrifices that you have to make just to help your fiance or spouse get out of debt.
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Create a debt relief plan. When you have talked about it, you may want to decide how you will get out of the debt situation. This debt can break you but it can also bring you closer – especially when you work on it together and selflessly.
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Lay down the rules. Obviously, something has to change if you will marry each other. You have to set rules to ensure that the credit card debt will not happen again. This is very important.
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Communicate and compromise. You also have to make it a habit to communicate and compromise always. Do not wait until the last minute to discuss a financial problem. Be open about expenses that you want to make or listen to one that your fiance or spouse wants. Compromise so you can satisfy both of your wants and needs.
In the end, you know that it is all about communication. The problem will not get too out of hand if you lay it out on the table. Try not to keep things from each other because that will really put a strain in your relationship.